she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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