I must be too annoying 4 u.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
