I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It was confusing and full of hummus
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
