are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
