Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
