Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
