Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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