I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
