My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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