Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
