im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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