believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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