apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
