Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize