How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
