I need to stop coming to work sober
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize