The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
