LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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