She went from zero to smokin in five shots
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
