he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
