did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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