And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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