my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
the liver wants what the liver wants
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
