he thought i was a dude.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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