just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
