i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
