people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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