"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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