My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
