Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
you are never too drunk for berry picking
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
