my phone needs a breathalizer
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
