It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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