i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
