Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I feel great
I just peed on a car
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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