Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
