I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize