he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
