If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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