I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
