Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
