Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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