the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
