Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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