It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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