he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I need to sanitize my soul.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
