I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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