She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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