im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
