i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
