i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
