The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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