but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
