i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
