I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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