Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
