she woke up with a sticky ear
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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