somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
