you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
