dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
