My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
