really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
