you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
