i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
