Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
