the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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