He kissed a someone with a penis
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
