so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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