Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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